Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we should paint friendship bongs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
