I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
