I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
