I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
