I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
