He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His nipple licking is glorious
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