went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have fence marks all over my body
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
