I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
