Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
