i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
