I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
