you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
