how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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