yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
