I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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