just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
