He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize