i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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