She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
