it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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