well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
