Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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