I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
