I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
