May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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