remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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