no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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