When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
