i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
