You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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