I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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