He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
