A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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