I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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