he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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