One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
