Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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