At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
