Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
