In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
