I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
