I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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