i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
