Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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