he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
