How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
