It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
