wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
