Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
