Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
