just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
