so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no you cant smoke seaweed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
