Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
