Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i will never coherently bang her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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