guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize
