There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
