Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
