He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
