I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
