Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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