Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
