i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Can I color on your dick again?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
