i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
