i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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