Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
