I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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