the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
