wanna go halves on a baby?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
