Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
